SILENT NIGHT

I'm probably going to sound like a broken record, but you haven't heard it from me so it's all good. This Christmas, let's not only celebrate the good times with our families, but remember what Christmas is really all about. Sure, it's about giving and sharing, and all that jazz, but what I mean is, it's about the birth of Jesus Christ. I'm going to let my favorite Christmas carol tell the story.

Silent Night
(Gruber/Mohr) Silent night, Holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in Heavenly peace
Sleep in Heavenly peace

Silent night, Holy night
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from Heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah
Christ, the Savior is born
Christ, the Savior is born

Silent night, Holy night
Son of God, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from thy Holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth

Silent Night!
The origin of the Christmas carol we know as Silent Night was a poem that was written in 1816 by an Austrian priest called Joseph Mohr. On Christmas Eve in 1818 in the small alpine village called Oberndorf it is reputed that the organ at St. Nicholas Church had broken. Joseph Mohr gave the poem of Silent Night (Stille Nacht) to his friend Franz Xavier Gruber and the melody for Silent Night was composed with this in mind. The music to Silent Night was therefore intended for a guitar and the simple score was finished in time for Midnight Mass. Silent Night is the most famous Christmas carol of all time!

Here is the song featured in a Pamper's commercial (Thanks Uncle Merle!)

UNDERSTANDING DEATH

I'll be honest with you, I haven't had to see a lot of family members die. My grandfather in 1996 was the only death I had been subjected to. One heart attack later, the man who I always joked with was no longer there. At his funeral, he was buried in an urn. It was hard to believe that my large, tall grandather was now in a little containers. Need;ess to say that wasy my first encounter with death.

My grandfather on my dad's side isn't doing well at all. His lungs are giving out on him after years of having emphazeema. My good friends Matt and Tim took me to see him two evenings ago in the hospital. He didn't look well at all. At this point, I thought that this might be it. Then I remember the time he'd been in the hospital like this before. I couldn't recognize him. But he was stubborn and pulled through.

That night when I saw him, he was in pretty rough shape. Matt and I prayed for him though and by the time we had left, he looked a lot better. God had worked his magic.

Yesterday morning I said a prayer and God spoke to me. He said talk to your friend at work. I did so and again he told me something that I didn't want to hear. Quite opposite actually. He said a way of getting over death is by realizing they are in a better place and that they no longer have to suffer.

At this moment in time, I don't want to let my grandfather go. He's been there for so many years, but I know he's suffering and that in itself kills me to watch.

My girlfriend also tried to provide a few words of comfort, but she said herself that they were trite. Death is a delicate matter. It's energy draining and even the simple work day that distracts you from these feelings is a relief.

"My grandpa." This is my tag phrase for him. I was seven on a boat trip to Newfoundland. This other kid was talking to my grandfather. I got jealous and I barked at him, "My grandpa." God will take care of him no matter what happens, I'm convinced at that.

DO WE BLAME GOD?

My grandfather is in the hospital at the moment so if everyone could keep him in their prayers, it'd be greatly appreciated.

I've heard stories where people blame God for things go wrong in their lives. A death of a family member or a lost job would be two good reasons. For myself, I know that I've questioned God why certain things happen, but I know they happen for a reason.

One big one was love. I always had a hard time finding a good girl to date. I know I always asked God, "Please, please give me some girl I could love." It sounds cheesy, but that was what I asked for. Eventually, it was, "Lord, why, why, have you not heard my prayers?" I never blamed God, but I certainly questioned why this certain aspect was left being unfulfilled.

When I started dating on a regular basis, I thought I had more to be thankful about, but then I found even more reasons to be unhappy. My idealism of love had been replaced with some bitter realities of what dating was really like. I now know that God kept lady friends from my life because I wasn't ready. I thank God though that I was allowed to have trial and error.

When my last relationship ended, I questioned God, "When was I going to find that someone I could love?" He did answer in the way of a friend of mine finding Jesus Christ.

The ironic thing about all of this is that not even a month after I got baptised I found the girl I was going to marry. God wanted me to find him first and by that, he made me ready. I'm still learning of course and I know I'll always question God about something. The fact of the matter is God does things on his time. It's best to give it to him and try your best to put it out of your mind. Notice I said, 'try your best'.

Here is a song by Garth Brooks that suits this situation:

UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be.

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if hed only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again.

(chorus)
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer, it doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the lord knows what he's doing after all.

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the Good Lord
For the gifts in my life.

*chorus*
Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

RELIGION RESTRICTIONS

I can't remember who I heard this from whether it be a pastor, family or friend. But if you think about the ten commandments, some think of them as restrictions, but I would rather think of them as warning signs.

1.) Thou shall not have any other Gods before me.
This is an easy one to fall into because it involves putting ourselves first and God second. I've seen what happens in my life when I put myself before God--I'm still guilty of it. I focus on more on what I have to do and what has to get done. I find that while accomplishing things are rewarding, it's not as rewarding as serving God and helping others. When I help someone else with no strings attached, I find that I feel really good about myself, like, I was supposed to do that. Good commandment. Doing it can lead to harm.

2.) Thou shall not kill.
This is a no brainer here. But here's an added thought. I got it from the movie, Dogma. Vulger, but insightful. Imagine that you've done every unthinkable sin (murder, molestation, etc.). What have you got to fear? One reason why so many people today don't do these unthinkable things because there is a fear involved. There's the obvious prison and death sentence, but there's that fear of becoming a monster if you were to murder. If you did it, there's no fear anymore. That's a really bad thing. Sometimes fear is a good thing. Good commandment. Doing it can lead to harm.

3.) Thou shall not steal.
Borrowing without the intention of returning is also stealing. Good commandment. Doing it can lead to harm.

4.) Honour thy father and thy mother.
Parents are obviously not perfect, but here are the people that usually and genuinely love you who'll give you advice for free without doing you wrong. Sometimes when I joke around with my parents I can easily forget about who they are and can go over the line with the joking around. This commandment is a good one because it reminds you of who to respect for the obvious reasons.

I'll cover the other commandments at another time...

BIBLE VERSES OF COMFORT

John 14:1-3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Courtesy of www.wesleymission.org.au

THE PROMISE OF A LIFETIME

This new Kutless song totally describes my situation with the Lord right now.

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I’m feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me

Chorus
I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime
(2nd Part of Chorus)
Looking back at me
I know that you can see my heart is open to
The Promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted

MIND GAMES

The Lord is there, but only when you ask for him. Satan plays with your mind when your head is totally full of sin. Right now, I feel his absence. I’m more critical and less trusting of others. Maybe I had that before, but I feel I’m more aware of it now. Last night was a perfect example. I was watching TV and I caught myself making fun of the guy. I thought about it for a second and realized, ‘What are you doing?’

I remember being full of fellowship and in a place where acceptance is paramount. When your brain is bored, satan turns it into his playground. There are of course flaws, but how can you really see past that unless you really try it. Also, I notice we always try to find fault in things that we are scared of trying. I’m having a hard time seeing myself as a child of God. I’m so used to a world of sin that thinking of someone else other than myself flickers fear when focusing on myself doesn’t become the objective.

A friend of mine who is really deep in the word told me something very useful though, “You can’t be full of faith all the time.” That means that you’ll have your peaks and valleys. The idea is to go to him when you have troubles no matter how you’re feeling.

Like I said yesterday, my #1 goal is totally bring The Lord in my life. This little blog is the step in the right direction. Let’s see where I can go from here.

MY BAPTISM CEREMONY

My baptism was on June 3, 2007. Here are the reasons why I came to God:

MY BAPTISM CEREMONY

My story begins in Taiwan. In 2005, I was in the process of accepting God into my life. I had just moved to Taiwan ready for new adventures. Nothing was going to stop me. My other goal in my life was to improve my walk with God. I even achieved Rick Warren’s Purpose-Driven Life—but I wasn’t ready.

Two years in Taiwan and traveling proved inspirational, successful and most of all, educational. I had learned many new things that gave me that world perspective that I had longed for, but in doing so, I had compromised many of my beliefs. When I returned to Canada, I was very uncertain about a lot of issues in my life. I was uncertain about my long-distance relationship, I was uncertain about the direction of my career, and I was uncertain about the very man I had become. Two months in Canada past and I did the hardest thing I could ever do, I gave up a two-year relationship with someone I loved very dear to start fresh. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but other than my career path, it had become the first decision I was certain about.

At this point because I felt I had caused her so much pain, I wasn’t sure if God would let me back. The only thing I knew in my heart was that I wanted to make a change. That is when God put my long-time friend, Matt Andrade, back into my life.

The ironic thing was that Matt had recently moved back from Calgary. He, too, had recently found God, and his passion really fueled my motivation. Matt really pushed me to come to church. He wanted me to see what he had found while he was away from home. I’ll admit, I wasn’t so receptive at first—fear was a familiar friend.

Matt introduced me to tons of wonderful people and I kept at a distance because I wasn’t sure how I’d be received--pride and self-condemnation are two of my greatest sins. But this time, I did it anyway. The devils in my head would spit it out lies, but this time it fell on deaf ears.

God has helped me move mountains before and this time would be no different. I braved it out and thanks to the wonderful support I have with my new friends, I’m gaining the confidence and the acceptance that God does care about my life. One moment that really touched me involved my friend, Jackie. Usually, if you invite friends to parties, maybe three or four out of ten might show—and that’s if you’re planning well in advance. Well, Jackie was leaving to go to Africa for one month, and after a church service one night, people were invited to her place for a goodbye party. Twelve people showed up-twelve people! I was so amazed on closely knit everyone was—I smiled all night because of it. I saw God’s work first hand.

At my Baptism, I realized one of the main reasons why God had sent me over to Taiwan to begin with -- he wanted to show me a culture where togetherness is still a huge fabric in that culture. Myself, so clouded by individualism, didn't realize that at the time.

There is a difference when you see him present and when you don’t. When you don’t feel his presence, there’s an empty feeling in your stomach. You feel the need to search for a miracle, but when you have God in your life, the miracle is already there. I owe God for everything he’s done—the patience he’s shown and the wonderful people he’s put in my life to overcome some of my greatest fears. I feel I can do no wrong walking with the Lord. The harder things in life have become so much easier. I know I’ll slip and I’ll fall, but the Lord will be there to break it. I’ll cry, I’ll laugh and I’ll be angry. I may even cuss once in awhile, but the one thing I know now, is that I’m not alone-- I’m with the Lord--and that’s the greatest feeling of all.

CONFESSIONS

This blog is a long time coming. It's a personal blog that's meant to be between my Lord saviour and myself. I encourage others to read my thoughts and share their thoughts. There will be words of inspiration, the brutal truths about being a Christian.

Earlier this year, I was baptized. It's the most amazing feeling being born again with Christ. I even had the opportunity to serve God earlier on the year doing missions work. It was an amazing experience. I felt I distanced myself at times, but still I could feel his work being done. I love God and I believe in God, but my difficulty is holding myself accountable in serving him and letting go of sin.

After that though, I didn’t attend church as much. I started feeling distant from everyone and everything. I felt like a fake because I wasn’t totally sure about my faith. The worse had happened—going to church became a chore. Worse yet, I started making promises that I stopped keeping.

What do I do now? I feel I’m at the crossroads. What do I do? One thing I’m not doing is turning my back on Christ—I didn’t come all this way to turn my back now. But I’m frustrated. What is my plan to improve my situation? This blog is to start. I’m having by using this forum—it’ll improve my relationship with God. I started The Weekly Wanderer as a way to improve my writing skills and it created something amazing. This is the same thing.

I’m starting to think that my journey with God has to start with he and I. I have to drop to my knees and pray my heart out and let him hear everything that I haven’t said lately. Fellowship comes second. I’ve concentrated too much on what people think and thought and not on the relationship between God and myself. Do I stop going to church? Not really, but I need to pray and find the love to do it. Right now, I lack that.

In the long run, I can see this blog breathing inspiration for other Christians. Mostly though, this blog is for struggling Christians who need a forum to vent their thoughts and to become one with God again.

I do encourage feedback. Do you struggle as a Christian? Want to quote scripture? Please do tell. Words of wisdom and encouragement are welcomed at the moment.